QUESTION
A friend of mine asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was quite surprised because I’m not really good at all that stuff and was sure there were other people she would ask before me. Either way, I still said yes–I guess I felt obligated. So I carried out all my duties, but I feel like she is getting pretty demanding–and it’s driving me nuts. I’m not sure how to get through this period since the wedding is still a few months away.

ANSWER by Anju Mulchandani
It sounds like your friend is temporarily absent and bridezilla has taken over–but have faith that she will one day return! A wedding is often the largest, most expensive party most people will ever plan, and when you add to that the fact that once the party is over, you are married forever, the stress level builds!

If you think about it, we live in a bridezilla culture where it is acceptable for a bride to have the day be completely about her and to want everything to be perfect. This culture also encourages women to think that they have to spend a lot of money, which only makes everything more stressful. So it is common for brides to aim for the fairytale wedding, but this can quickly become a monstrous affair to handle when reality hits.

In my own experience, these stressed out, high-strung, emotional brides sometimes need a friend to help them de-stress. A girls’ night out, chick flick or massage at the salon might be just what she needs. Or maybe you can offer to help her with her wedding chores–it could be just a matter of helping her get organized. It might not be the easiest thing to do when dealing with a bridezilla, but offering your support will be appreciated in the long run.

Photo by Rodrigo Torres

If the whole experience has been overwhelming enough for you not to want to do it again, then the next time around, try to nip it in the bud. It is not inappropriate to ask the bride-to-be what her expectations are. If they are extremely demanding and you do not feel like you can meet them, then be honest about it. If she really values your friendship, then hopefully she will get over it and be able to put things in perspective when the wedding madness is over.

QUESTION
I am 38-years-old, attractive, successful and have been in a few long-term relationships. The last one was five years ago. Since then, I have moved to Atlanta and have been dating, but I am finding it harder and harder to meet someone—especially at my age. I have tried Internet-dating sites, as they seem to be the only way that I can actually date. I haven't met someone yet with whom I can start a relationship. I wondered if you had any advice on meeting someone, especially in my age group.

ANSWER by Jasbina Ahluwalia
Great question. If it helps, you’re not alone. I regularly meet attractive and successful women in their 30s who are finding it hard to meet someone. The statistics aren’t in women’s favor. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, there are 28 million single women and only 18 million single men over 35 years of age in the U.S.

Like other successful women, I’d guess you’ve been undeterred by unfavorable odds in other areas of your life. Likewise, I hope the odds I’ve mentioned positively motivate you to be as proactive as possible in the relationship arena of your life. Just as in other areas of your life where you’ve achieved your goals, make sure to align your actions with your goal of finding someone.

Here are some suggestions for concrete actions you can take:

1. Cast a wider net. Be as open-minded to guys beyond the “type” to which you may currently be restricting yourself. I always encourage clients to prioritize their essentials/must-haves in terms of a partner, and then be as flexible as possible to areas outside of those essentials.

Advertisement Jasbina Ahluwalia is the founder of Intersections Matchmaking, the first elite, personalized Matchmaking firm for South Asian singles nationwide. As a former practicing lawyer with a graduate degree in philosophy, Jasbina can relate first-hand to the demands and challenges facing her accomplished clients. As a second-generation Indian-American, Jasbina has a unique understanding of the successful blending of South Asian and American cultures. For more information, please visit www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina may be contacted directly at Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

2. Let everyone in your life know that you are completely open to being introduced. Many people will not volunteer introductions unless they know you’re enthusiastic to receive them. If and when you do get an introduction, remember to graciously thank the person who sets you up, regardless of the outcome. Apart from one-on-one setups, throw a party with friends where all the guests show up with an ex or platonic friend of the opposite sex. This is a great way to meet eligible singles in a group setting.

3. Attend events where you would expect to meet the kinds of guys you'd like to meet. If you’re seeking an intellectual guy, consider book readings, classes and membership with organizations such as the Council on Foreign Relations or Commonwealth Club. If you’re seeking an athletic guy, consider team sports (and make sure to keep your schedule open for after-practice drinks or dinners) or spend time in the weight room at the gym (instead of restricting yourself to wearing headphones on cardio machines, or female-dominated aerobics and Pilates classes). Likewise, if you’re seeking a civic-minded guy, consider volunteering with an organization you care about.

4. Reflect on how you’ve approached online dating. Consider whether you have strategically selected appropriate sites and create a thoughtful and welcoming profile that reveals your authentic and unique self. Post pictures that are accurate representations of the best version of yourself and meet folks in person instead of getting caught up in endless email/phone/text communications.

5. Consider matchmakers and/or dating services to increase your possibilities.

6. Maintain a positive attitude and view each date as an adventure. But be sure to also allow yourself down-time from dating, if you start to feel like you need it.

Anju Mulchandani is a graduate of the Columbia School of Social Work. Her clinical experience has focused on providing counseling for individuals with a variety of emotional problems.

Jasbina Ahluwalia runs Intersections Matchmaking, a personalized Matchmaking firm for South Asian singles nationwide.